The Phoenix Suns are reportedly pursuing (Player) who was recently waived by the (City) (Team) in an attempt to add depth to their bench. Steve Kerr is said to have personally visited (Player)’s house and bribed him with large sums of candy and prescription pain killers. The Suns need a player like (Player) who can add (shooting/rebounding/toughness/defense) coming off the bench.

When asked for a comment, Suns general manager Steve Kerr said, “Yeah, any time you can get a guy like (Player), a guy who brings (shooting/rebounding/toughness/defense) to the table, not to mention his playoff experience and high character, it’s really a no brainer to at least tell people you’re interested in him.”

When Mike D’Antoni was asked about the rumors, he gave his trademark smile and said “I hope we do get (Player). I’m sure he’ll love sitting next to Sean Marks and Eric Piatkowski while wondering why he’s not getting any playing time.”

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