Adventures in Benchsitting
End of the Phoenix Suns bench. Pick a game. Any game.
Sean Marks: I can’t believe Skinner is getting a few minutes tonight.
Eric Piatkowski: Forget all that shit, look at that blond in the fourth row. DJ, you think they’re built for speed or for comfort?
DJ Strawberry: staring at jumbotron. Huh? Yeah, I’m ready. Put me in coach.
SM: Jesus, I think he’s lost it.
EP: He’s fine. He should be used to it by now. I’ve now embraced my role. Besides, I’ve got all kinds of Clippers records I can claim.
SM: For God’s sake, enough about the three-pointers. You played for the fucking Clippers. In New Zealand, the word clipper is used as a synonym for bowel movement.
EP: Shut it, clipperface.
DJ: Yay, Skinny!
Brian Skinner: Whew, I’m beat. How’s my goat look? Still creepy, right? Should I go to the locker room and dip it in bleach again?
DJ: following Suns flag being raced up and down the court. Take it easy, Coach Williams. You look more disheveled than normal. I think that vein is about to blow.
BS: What’s the matter with DJ?
EP: He’s fine, don’t sweat it. Speaking of sweat, this is a sweat-free zone. You know that. Do us a favor and towel that shit off. You’re not going back in there anyway.
BS: Wanna bet?
EP: I don’t bet.
SM: Neither do I.
BS: I bet you twenty dollars I can get you gambling before the game is finished.
EP: No.
BS: I’ll give you three to one odds.
EP: No.
BS: Five to one.
EP: No!
BS: Ten to one?
EP: You’re on, bitch.
BS: I’m totally going to get you.
EP: Bullshit. You can’t get me, I took Nebraska to the NCAA tourney FOUR times.
BS: I don’t know, but I’m going to get you. Stupid cornhusker.
DJ: Yoyoma!
SM: Holy crap, he has derailed.
EP: I’m telling you, he’s fine. Now focus. Section 106. 7th row. Halfway in. Shemale?
BS: That’s my date for tonight.
SM: Dude, it’s wearing a scarf indoors. In Phoenix.
BS: I like her style.
EP: Pretty sure it’s trying to cover something up.
BS: What are you saying?
EP: It’s got a friggin’ adam’s apple, Skinny. Have fun navigating the man region later tonight.
BS: Shiiiiiiiiiit.
DJ: sing song voice There’s a party in my tummy, a party in my tummy.
SM: He’s really worrying me.
EP: Let him be, he’s fine. I think he’s in his happy place.
SM: Amare just dunked on that dude’s head. That’ll be me in practice tomorrow.
DJ: Not a game. Not a game. Not a game. Practice.
SM: That’s right, DJ. Are you back?
DJ: Not a game. Not a game. Not a game. Practice.
SM: Right. Not a game.
DJ: Not a game. Not a game. Not a game. Practice.
DJ: Not a game. Not a game. Not a game. Practice.
DJ: Not a game. Not a game. Not a game. Practice.
EP: Sweet f’ing Christ, make him stop.
BS: Just slap him upside the head, that should make him snap out of it.
DJ: Not a game. Not a game. Not a game. Practice.
DJ: Not a game. Not a game. Not a game. Practice.
Mike D’Antoni: If I have to come down there, so help me I’ll DNP-CD all your asses for the next month!
DJ: Not a game. Not a game. Not a game. Practice.
SM: SORRY COACH! WON’T HAPPEN AGAIN! Dude, snap out of it. slaps DJ upside the head
DJ: Not a game. Not a game. Not a game. Practice.
BS: I’ll handle this. punches poor DJ in the nuts
DJ: Oooowwwwwwwwww! You won’t (gasping for air) get lucky (gasping for air) with (gasping for air) RuPaul’s man region (gasping for air) tonight (gasping for air) if you treat it that way.
BS: You little bastard.
EP: See, told you he was fine.
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Posted by Black Jesus Disciples
I Wish I Had Three First Names Like Coach D.
http://blackjesusdisciples.blogspot.com/
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