AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill

On April 4, following an 8-1 win over the Colorado Rockies, Eric Byrnes decided not to shave his mustache. We all know baseball is played by a group of men who can be considered superstitious to say the least. For whatever reason, there was power in the ’stache for Byrnes and the team. The Diamondbacks embarked on an 8-game winning streak in which they outscored their opponents 61-21. Byrnes followed suit, tearing off a 14-game hitting streak, during which he hit .362.

On April 20, after going hitless in a 9-4 loss to the Padres (can you believe the Padres scored 9 runs in one game?), Byrnes shaved the facial growth. But made this proclamation:

“I’m declaring 2008 ‘The Year of the Mustache…It’ll be back; you guys have not seen the last of the ’stache… I’m going with the ’stache all year. I will have a 1970s porn ’stache the entire year.”

Where have you gone Ron Jeremy? After the 0 for 4 performance against San Diego, Byrnes started ’stache #2 with a mini 4-game hit streak, never quite reaching Shalit-esque stature. In the 20 games since the end of the 4-game hitting streak, Eric Byrnes has been nearly as hairless as a pre-pubescent boy with a hormone disorder. Byrnes is 9 for his last 77 at-bats (.117), has 2 extra base hits, and has struck out 19 times. He has seen his batting average plummet from .293 to .213. In those 20 games, the Diamondbacks are 10-10, and have seen their National League West lead shrink to 3 games over the Los Angeles Dodgers.

But Byrnes’ naysayers are going beyond the mustache when breaking down number 22’s performance. The Anti-Byrnes faction will go back to August 7, 2007. That’s the day the Diamondbacks signed Byrnes to a 3-year, $30 million contract. On that day, Eric Byrnes was hitting .301 and was being mentioned as a possible MVP candidate. Since that day, Byrnes is hitting .227.

Being on sports radio at the time, I pleaded with the Diamondbacks to do the right thing and sign Byrnes, who had done all the right things for the club since being acquired before the 2006 season. He was the vocal and demonstrative leader for a young ballclub, a guy who would slide into first base headfirst to avoid a double play, and then give a great quote after the game. The Diamondbacks gave Byrnes the contract he deserved, and I commended them for it.

I’m stick by my commendation, despite those who suggest that Byrnes is a contract player. The numbers above might sway you. But they are facts. I believe that Eric Byrnes plays the game of baseball about as hard as it can be played. I know he has his detractors out there (Milton Bradley) who say he displays “fake hustle”. I also believe that Byrnes is hard on himself, and that is the reason for this ugly, prolonged slump.

To the Diamondbacks organization, I still believe you’ve done the right thing by committing $30 million to Eric Byrnes. Now somebody please supplement that investment by spending another $9.99 on a golden thong for this guy?

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